Definition of a Broken Heart
by gohokies
Summary: To all who have been misled, misused, and mistaken for a fool. This is for those that were duped, dumped, and hung out to dry. LilyJames.


A/N: Okay, someone has kindly pointed out that I had compromised the integrity of Lily and James' history as per JKR's telling of how they got together. So I've decided to fix it. I've made a few changes, tweaked a few phrases, so now you can just consider this a dark and lost chapter in the fluffy goodness tale that is James and Lily. And once more to clear it up, I won't be extending this any further than it goes right now. Writing something so lovey dovey feels like a mental Cruciatus Curse. I mean you all know the story anyways, just insert this in the appropriate place.

_Definition of a Broken Heart_

To all who have been misled, misused, and mistaken for a fool. This is for those that were duped, dumped, and hung out to dry. Those that have had the wool pulled from their eyes and can see. They see so much that it's near-blinding, but when your vision adjusts to life without rose-colored glasses you will see that your story is just like mine. It's always the same.

At one point in time, one critical moment for the world, everything hung in the balance. For decades, centuries, _millennia _before this moment, the earth had been a wonderful, charming place. On August 14th, 1958, Black Thursday to me, James Potter was born. That's when everything went to shit.

If it happened to anyone else but myself I would have said they had it coming and should have known better. But when it's your own heart on the line, well, let's just say you tune out all the static from the Wizard's Wireless in your head and just try to sing along with the mushy ballad. I had been singing for six weeks straight the summer before my last year of school. And then the music began to fade. I just sang louder, trying to make up for the weak broadcast. I was singing so loud I couldn't hear my conscience trying to warn me about him. Trying to tell me he was a low-down, good-for-nothing, scum of the earth womanizer. Ignorant is truly the happiest I have ever been in my life thus far.

Let me jot down some definitions for you:

ignorant- adj. uninformed, unaware. Me, prior to this morning.

blissful- adj. full of, abounding in, enjoying, or conferring extreme happiness or ecstasy. Again, me, prior to this morning.

boyfriend- noun. a frequent or favorite male companion; beau. What I thought James Potter was to me before this morning.

fool around- verb phrase. to philander or flirt. James' interpretation of what we were doing this summer.

other woman- noun. a woman who is romantically or sexually involved with another woman's husband or lover, esp. a woman who is having an affair with a married man. A slut, also known as Mindy Richards.

break- verb. to smash, split, or divide into parts violently; reduce to pieces or fragments. What I want to do to James Potter's nose. And mouth, and broom, and _other_ body parts.

arsehole- noun. excretory opening that... okay I think that's enough definitions for now.

Have you gotten the picture? Probably. Too bad it took me so long to do the same. I suppose I'll start telling the real story now, although I'm sure you've heard it before. Just change up the names and you've got a carbon copy of events that happened to someone you know, or maybe even yourself. If it was you, I'm very sorry. If it wasn't, just wait your turn. And be prepared.

James Potter. Not a particularly impressive name. Not the most impressive looking guy either. Kinda skinny, glasses, you know the one. His smile hit me first though. Falling in love with him was like a slow stream of water dripping on your head. Then it grows, morphs into a shower, then a fire hose, then a massive raging waterfall. So his smile trickled down my spine and sent the warm fuzzies into my stomach. Evil fuzzies more like. Every time I looked at him he had a smile on his face, often times directed toward me. Then I noticed his eyes that twinkled as he laughed, and on it continued until I was completely and foolishly enamored by him. Amazing how your hatred of someone that has lasted for just short of six years can be wiped out when they show romantic interest in you. Damn Remus for initiating all of this mess.

Remus Lupin and I were Gryffindor prefects the past two school years. He was a smart, sweet boy. I wish I had fallen for him instead; such a cute guy, and he cared a lot about his mother who got sick a lot. But like all silly girls I wanted the popular guy. The one that happened to be best friends with Remus. Ironic and cruel. Apparently James always had a huge blowout party to kick off the summer holidays at his parent's house. He invited his best friends, Sirius, Peter, and of course Remus. And he told them all to bring at least one girl. Remus, being a sweetheart asked me along and promised I'd have fun. I had my doubts, but I eventually agreed. I should have punched him and ran away. We arrived and I did have fun. Falling for someone like James Potter is so exhilarating, sometimes it takes your breath away and you are so deliriously happy. Having a guy like that as your own makes you feel special. Wonderful. You close your eyes and you feel like you had a few sips of firewhiskey because even in the dark you feel the whole world spinning. Now the spinning just makes me want to throw up and go to sleep until it's all over. I ended up visiting the Potter residence practically every day to visit with those four friends. I felt like a part of their group at some points.

One evening I went to visit the boys. Remus was busy taking care of his mother again. Peter had some business to take care of back home. Sirius had wandered into the gardens with his girlfriend, presumably snogging. I told James that if he wanted some time to himself I would leave, but he told me he'd rather hang out with me. He turned on the Wizard's Wireless and settled himself on the couch pulling his transfiguration book into his lap and patting the seat next to him, indicating I should sit down. I saw he turned to the conjuring chapter. I watched him as he performed a bit of complex wand waving, he was silent and I realized he was trying to do it non-verbally. After a couple minutes of silence a form began to take shape midair. Once it was clearly solid, James reached forward and plucked the newly formed white lily out of the air. I was surprised to say the least when he leaned over and tucked the blossom behind my ear and ran his fingers through my red hair. His thumb ended up on my cheek and my whole body was vibrating with anticipation and longing. He leaned forward and kissed me slowly. I should have smacked him and kicked him in the groin right then and there. But instead I kissed him back. I ended up staying the night, in James Potter's bed. It was only kissing and he held me close until we both finally drifted off.

It was that way for a while, I would go see James almost every night. I was finally happy to have someone I could call my own. Halfway through the summer I had to accompany my Muggle parents to America, along with my sister. Not exactly fun for someone my age since Petunia and I don't get along and I didn't know anyone in America to hang out with. I owled James every day and at first he answered each owl with one of his own. Then the letters came less often, and finally stopped altogether. I had no idea what was happening in England, but I waited every day hoping some news would fly my way from someone. I ended up staying in America until it was time to go back to school. Still no word from James, but I thought we were an item. That stupid notion was violently shaken from me when I saw him holding hands with Mindy at the platform and whispering something in her ear while she giggled. My face burned with embarrassment as I came to grips with what was happening right in front of me. She leaned up on her toes to give James a peck on the cheek before they walked out of sight. I briefly considered not getting on the train. Just turning around and disappearing into Muggle London. Then Remus came up beside me, causing me to jump in surprise. He said something, but my ears were still ringing from shock and the onslaught of anger. He steered me towards the train and I walked numbly next to him. He took me to the Prefects carriage where I sat down and stared without seeing. People were talking all around me, congratulating me on my newly acquired Head Girl status. I just nodded at them all. The door finally slid open again and in _he_ walked, a flash of gold glinting on his chest. He had become Head Boy. And I sank into the depths of my depression in that instant.

I just... survived that first week back at Hogwarts. I don't know how, I must have had Merlin himself watching over me. When I wasn't on duty or in class I was in my room. Tiffy the house-elf took notice of my reticent behavior and after my flat out refusal to eat meals with the rest of the school in the Great Hall she began bringing my meals to my room, imploring me to at least try some of it. I would nibble at best, shove the whole platter away at worst. If you've ever been depressed, you'll know it comes in bouts. You have times where you feel like you're perfectly normal and then other times you've sunk to the bottom and have no way to get out. I would have my own ups and downs, but the sadness far outweighed any happy moments. Being depressed sucks. Being depressed over a guy that's not even worth it is just about the most pathetic I've ever felt.

James Potter was a total troll. He cursed and hexed people according to his own wishes and used women like toilet tissue. I later looked up his Muggle zodiac sign while writing a research paper. He was a Leo. Of course, they are a bunch of cocky and arrogant bastards. It's like he can't help but be an arsehole to everyone else, it's in his stars. As far as I'm concerned I never liked him. Ever. This summer never happened. I have never felt anything but disgust for him. No one has to know but me. And him.

A/N: Okay, so I really never had any intention of continuing this and making it into a stort story or novel. I was just so _sick_ of the happy couple. And the cliches. Because that's really what James and Lily are, a huge cliche. And so many of the stories are so similar to each other I just wanted to tear apart that ideality. I apologize to all you James and Lily fans I just offended which this little blurb, it was not my intention, please don't flame me just for that. I respect your own opinion and I don't think any less of anyone who _does_ like them, please do me the same favor. I've been jaded and this fic clearly shows that.


End file.
